Some Recent Reviews

Lucy Fletcher directed this Agatha Christie adaptation with Ed Langley, and they take first credit for achieving a coherence and fluency in ensemble performance, which at its best moments when the motor was purring - and there were plenty of them - drew us all deep into a mystery with a twinkle in its eye.
The directors had made very best use of the excellent hand they had been dealt at auditions, and a general assurance and commitment onstage suggested that they had skilfully combined encouraging each individual journey to character formation, with setting clear collective goals. The characters were an entertaining farrago of frailty, deceit and concealment. I got the hang of it when the relationship between Julia (Jennie Francis exuding poise and vivacity) and Patrick (a whirlwind of grinning flamboyance from Nick Livesey) took an unexpected turn; I couldn’t decide whether the final resting-place of his upstage hand in their clinches was modern or post-modern.
Of the two characters who seemingly died from gunshot or poison, Kevin Leech gets a perfect ten for his nigh-wordless demise as Rudi, whilst Carol Coyne’s witty performance as Dora cleverly set me up to wonder what devious racket might be playing out behind her dotty façade, and whether she might not rise again, phoenix-fashion.
Poppy Verkaaik as Phillipa gave such an effective study in unease that my Cleudo notes had her down variously as possible killer or possible bait. Then what were we to make of mother and son from next door? I ruled out Sue Grindlay (Clara) or Kevin Smith (Edmund) as sole perpetrators, but her jolly noseyness and his air of savoir-faire seemed to point to something - which turned out to be a police trap for the killer. Mitzi the maid, played for all the part was worth and then some by Sarah Leigh, was too much of a mood maelstrom to be a credible suspect; impossible to imagine that she could ever have kept her mouth shut. Which brings us to Miss Blacklock - who dunnit - an evidently scheming and controlling person; but Tracy Brook’s adroit performance created an ambiguity about her motives which kept our suspicion in check - until Miss Marple and her policemen sprung their trap.
James Hasler as the Inspector was certainly every inch the shire county detective, moving easily with the ebb and flow of morning coffee and afternoon tea, but stern enough in action to command the boisterous Mitzi into the naughty corner. But in time-honoured fashion, his constabulary twosome with Ben McLoughlin’s stalwart Sergeant was long on hunches and short on proof; so thank goodness for Miss Marple, whom Katie Lipsidge skilfully invested with a mix of watchfulness, assiduous curiosity and calculated innocence. At the denouement when Miss Blacklock tried to add her to the body count with a Dresden table-lamp, I had a delicious feeling of cathartic frisson, accompanied by elation that good had triumphed over evil and we’d soon be in the bar.
Pausing on the cusp between on-stage and back-stage, I want to commend Paul Michaels, the British Sign Language interpreter; an excellent enhancement to the Dulwich Players offering.
The team responsible for inanimate décor - set designers Robert Johnson and Ian Jones, lighting and sound supremo John Aldred, props manager Debbie Aldridge and stage manager Nuong Trieu - managed to deliver a set like the best kind of supporting player - solid and dependable, presumably not too expensive, but with coy delights of its own, such as the glimpse of garden to be seen out of the window.
And what a treat for the cast to be dressed, coiffed and made up in such authentic but distinctive outfits; the 50s were stylishly evoked in costumes by Rebecca Dallaway and Katy Gaul, and in coiffure by Denise Biffin and Angela Oliva.
And so finally to the directors, thank you Lucy and Ed for spot-on casting, nifty air traffic control, adroit staging of those curtain-fall moments of high drama…I could go on, but instead will venture to hope that it won’t be too long before you step up to the mark and direct for the Players again.

What a treat! Although the weather was a bit chilly and blowy in the Gallery gardens the cockles of my heart were certainly thoroughly warmed by the Dulwich Players' summer production of The Adventures of Alice.
The play was skilfully adapted from Lewis Carroll's original stories by Jill Alexander and Jill Kevan, and they didn't miss a trick – no mean achievement for an evening's entertainment, including our favourite characters and episodes.
The Mad Hatter's Tea Party, especially, ended the first half triumphantly, all the actors excelling – the Mad Hatter played by the inimitable Paul Sykes, the March Hare goofy and enchanting from Tracy Brook, and the sweet Dormouse. Alice herself (Sarah Leigh) was a very convincing pert, precocious Victorian Miss throughout. It is a tribute to Brian Burch and Paul Sykes' direction that they guided the actors who brought to life so truthfully characters that have been cherished since childhood.
It's ever so difficult to highlight individual performances in such an amusing evening. Louise Norman got the show off to a cracking start with her imperious Red Queen and Kathy Blackeby was a very sensuous, slinky and furry Cheshire Cat. And to mention Kathy (who was also Tweedledum!) brings me to applaud the clever doubling, by a lot of the cast – a super Cook and Humpty Dumpty (Lydia Dickie) and White King and Red Knight (Stefan Nowak). Frank Ralfe charmed us, as ever, with the Frog Footman – I could go on.
Very good designs, and specially wonderful makeup for the animals and flowers – face painting courtesy of Jean Olney and Eleanor Bucher.
Well – just a gorgeous evening, Thank you, Dulwich Players!

I really enjoyed this play. There was a great atmosphere in the audience and it was really good to be able to picnic whilst watching.
All the actors were spectacular; especially Alice and I thoroughly enjoyed the humorous scene of Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle- Dee. The duo worked fantastically together and made everyone laugh.
The lighting and sound effects were also excellent and perfectly timed with the acting. I really liked the character dressed as a card that ran on stage so often to present the next scene. The costumes and make up were superb and the backdrop created a sense that we really could be in Wonderland.
Over all a thoroughly enjoyable experience and a play for the whole family. I hope to see the cast in performances yet to come.

Od's life and zounds. Egad sir there was an uncommon fine show at the Edward Alleyn's theatre last week by that renowned company of players from Dulwich in the county of London.
The Rivals is a comedy of deception – Jack Absolute deceives Lydia Languish into believing he is a lowly ensign to win her affections; Faulkland tries to deceive his Julia to try and prove her love for him. In addition, the servants Fag (Michael Fife), Lucy (Lucy Taylor-Gee) and David (Kevin Leech) were all smiles and smoothness in front of their respective masters and mistresses and behind the scenes clearly more than willing to aid and abet these deceits if they can gain by it.
Lydia Languish was played with great aplomb by Lucy Fletcher – her movements and facial expressions were a delight and her anguish when she realized that Jack Absolute was a no lowly ensign but a man of fortune was clearly heartfelt. Equally impressive was the ability to play the harp while making asides to the audience! She was well supported by Nick Livesey as Jack Absolute – these two were clearly destined for each other though it was not clear who would have the upper hand when they married. They in turn were equally well supported by the other pair of lovers. Ed Langley as the jealous lover Faulkland provided a beautifully controlled performance; it would be too easy to turn this part into a caricature of jealousy but in spite of the unreasonableness of his actions towards his beloved Julia (sympathetically played by Sarah Fong) there was a genuinely moving moment when it looked like the couple would not be happily wed (forgetting for the moment that this was a Regency comedy).
Katie was well served by the two rivals to Lydia's hand. Bob Acres the self important dandy was played with energy and enthusiasm by Ben McLouglin and I should add also showed himself to be an expert improviser in Regency dialect while Paul Sykes as Sir Lucius took up the challenge again of undertaking an Irish accent as well as showing himself to be able to handle a pair of pistols. Not forgetting of course Mrs Malaprop (Carol Coyne) who's 'malapropisms' tripped easily off the tongue in her efforts to impress both the irascible Sir Anthony Absolute (Tony Morton) and Sir Lucius.
This was a refreshingly unfussy production – the backcloth of the Royal Crescent immediately transported the audience back to the 1770s and to the world where Londoners decamped en masse to take the waters at Bath as well as indulging in numerous machinations to promote the cause of love. Scene changes were slickly done by the well drilled backstage crew, although I wondered if perhaps the servants could have lent a hand. And the scene changes were well supported by the lighting, with Jessica Orr stepping up to the mark at very short notice. It's like she's never been away.
It was good to see the play from the perspective of the round and the cast did well to include the few people on the side – I am a great fan of plays in the round, but it is problematic when the majority of the audience are conventionally tiered in front of the actors. But this was a highly enjoyable evening and Katie Lipsidge is to be congratulated on taking the audience away from these credit crunched times for an evening of pure fun and frivolity. It was also a pleasure to see so many new faces on the Edward Alleyn stage as well of those who have notched up a few productions – long may they stay.

Oh, I say, what jolly japes !.................0ops, sorry, it's catching when you have spent two hours or so at Grangewood School - and I even went back for a second helping. Boys' and girls' schools were a favourite setting for children's books in the 1920s and 1930s and later, and the closed communities of boarding schools, each with its own style and ethos, were particularly popular. Boys had 'Tom Brown's Schooldays' which prompted other school stories, and eventually became a popular theme in comics (some of us remember Billy Bunter and his friends), and the author Angela Brazil, who wrote over 50 books set in girls' schools, and could claim to have invented the genre for girls, prompting a rush of such stories.
In 'Daisy Pulls It Off' Denise Dougan produced an affectionate pastiche of these stories. and Jane Jones and her cast succeeded very effectively keeping it just that, rather than succumbing to the obvious temptation of turning it into a parody in a more mocking style. The audience enjoyed laughing with rather than at the story. Indeed several older members of the audience told me that it brought back vivid memories of their own school days. The solid back wall set of impressive panelling with portraits and a good school-like staircase provided just what was needed to remind us that the school was the main setting without detracting from other scenes. The play requires many rapid changes of scene from Daisy's home to railway carriage, headmistress's study, classroom, dormitory and outdoor scenes, and I was most impressed by the slick choreography of these changes, the cast moving the furniture and props themselves as the action continued, so maintaining the pace of the play. It looks easy when it works as well as it did here, but it requires careful organisation and work by the backstage team and rehearsal by the cast, with only limited opportunities to practice in the theatre itself. The 'action' scenes in the second part of the play were also very effectively staged. The voice-over commentary with almost stationery hockey players created a real sense of an exciting match, and the cliff-top rescue staged over the staircase was most effective, the audience loving the comic collapse at the end.
An enthusiastic cast entered fully into the spirit of the play, and were very successful in developing the characterisation of their roles set out in their initial thumbnail introductions of themselves, a technique which helped to draw the audience into collusion with the cast and ignore some of the absurdities of the plot. All the schoolgirls looked right and in the main parts Severine Powell nicely caught the adventurous spirit and slightly priggish attitude of Daisy herself, as well as her occasional doubts, and both Hannah McDonald and Rebecca Dallaway were excellent as Daisy's bubbly friend ('simply topping') Trixie and ('I am the Head Girl') Clare. Anita Blanchard and Tracy Brooke also made an effective pair of 4th snobs and baddies (I almost felt sorry for them at the end!) and Louise Norman gave an appropriately severe performance as a no-nonsense headmistress somewhat distrustful of the abilities and morals of the lower classes. Amid all this gymslipery the men don't get much of a look-in, of course, but everyone admired Mike Cole's Russian accent and Richard Thomson looked and sounded right in his transformation from plain Mr Thompson to knighthood and Daisy's father. As a live pianist on stage Paul Grimwood provided an extra dimension to the action which went down very well with audiences. More and bigger parts for Paul!
My only caveat about the play is that the author loaded the second half with so much action and 'pulling it off' that it was noticeably longer than the exposition of the first part. In general, plays seem to work better the other way round, and a little discrete cutting might have helped. However, hindsight is easy and this is only a minor quibble. In general this was an amusing play performed by an enthusiastic and well-rehearsed cast, with the good lighting and sound effects we have come to expect from Jake Fraser and Kevin Leech, appropriate costumes (I had forgotten just how de-sexing gymslips can be!) and clear, thoughtful and skilful direction by Jane Jones in her first time in charge. Jane, please do some more plays. O hinc spes effulget ! Simply spiffing ! ...............

"Daisy Pulls It Off", lately presented by the Dulwich Players at the Edward Alleyn Theatre, certainly stirred some nostalgic memories for one member of the Dulwich Players.
"Schoolgirls' Own", a publication of the war, and pre-war years, recounted every week, stirring tales of 'game gels' arriving at Boarding School. Their luggage bulging with woolly stockings, gym-slips and bloomers. (The said bloomers in later, less genteel times, to be known as 'Passion Killers'!) These feisty females were to be 'toughened up' on hockey, PT and Latin grammar. They learn that Prefects must be respected, that the 'dorm' was a place of refuge, and 'midnight feasts', provided you escaped the eagle eye of Matron. No boys were ever mentioned! They had their own magazine about 'Billy Bunter' and his chums.
Personally, only being a 'day-girl' in real life, one missed the delights of hampers from home. Instead, there was the make-believe environments of the magazines, where winning one's hockey colours was the aim. One had 'crushes' on someone in the Sixth Form and begged to make their tea and polish their shoes. Oh, innocent days! The good were good, the bad were bad, but everyone in the end 'played the game', 'Crushes' wore off in the hols, when, at the cinema, one saw Clark Gable and Robert Taylor (swoon…!)
The cast of "Daisy", all thoroughly modern 'gels', stepped back in time and wore the gym-slips as to the manner born. Severine Powell, as the gentle Daisy, innocent scholarship girl from an 'Elementary School' – Oh Horror! – inspired hate in the breast of Upper-Class Sybil Burlington and her side-kick, Monica Smithers, spiffingly played by Anita Blanchard and Tracy Brook. This production, by Jane Jones, her first for the Players, captured the spirit of these stories very well. The cast played well together, to 'ripping' effect. It was great fun, this world of good chums, 'fair play', and virtue triumphant. A wistful reminder of an age now gone forever.
Well, just off now to have a jolly game of hockey! It's such fun, on a fine winter day, when the wind blows round your knees, the games mistress' nose is red and raw, but there's buns and scones for the lucky winners. Just have to see who we're playing this week ….
Oh my Golly Gosh …. It's St Trinians.

One of the strengths of the Dulwich Players is the group's willingness to branch out from the staple fare of plays that make up the usual repertoire of amateur groups. The choice of "Accidental Death of An Anarchist" , a fast-paced, anarchic political farce, as a main production was a good illustration of this principle. When you combine this choice of play with the fact that the production was directed by a first-time director with a cast largely new to the Dulwich Players, you have an interesting recipe – will the reputation of the Dulwich Players for producing quality production be maintained, even enhanced, or will we be picking up the pieces of a turkey?
Before I give a view, I can hear voices arguing that as Production Manager, my view would be biased. However, I would argue that it's worth bearing in mind that due to other commitments, I didn't see too much of the rehearsal process so when I saw the play for the first time in its entirety it was on the first night.
So, what is the verdict – soaring lark, or stuffed Turkey? I have to say I was impressed and mesmerised. It was a production the cast, the director and the Dulwich Players can feel very proud of. The acting had to be energetic, fast-paced and the repartee like a verbal tennis match. On the one hand this can be onerous on a small cast, but it does give a chance to really gel and produce a honed team effort. OK, there were one or two slips but in such a verbal tour de force of a production they are to be expected. But my overall impression was one of energy and quality.
In a farce, the acting has to be larger-than-life to keep the audience engrossed. The central performance depends on the capability of the Anarchist to keep the energy level high and to keep the pace cracking along. Tom's performance did this perfectly. His energy and verbal dexterity in producing a range of characters were impressive and his performance anchored the rest of the play. Sometimes it is the little touches that make a performance memorable and I was particularly taken with the business he developed around the wooden hand.
Nick's performance as the inspector really came up trumps; he combined a sonorous, strong voice that reached every corner of the theatre with a terrific energy level which conveyed the mounting frustration of this bewildered policeman. Tony, Fabian and Ted as the other policemen gave the production a range of well-rounded characters who were sucked into the madman's plot to expose their corruption. Ted managed to get most of the laughs of the evening as the bored uniformed policeman but I felt that if one character had more potential, it was his. Sometimes the smaller parts can be really developed to become memorable and such was the comic potential of his part. Jenny's appearance was well worth the wait. She quickly established her presence on stage as a no-nonsense, sensible journalist amidst a sea of recriminations, denials and lies.
Jenny has proved another of an influx of talented young women the Players has recently welcomed
Although deceptively simple, the set provided the atmosphere of grubby institutionalism; sparsely furnished offices reflecting the unwholesome activities of this police force. A pat on the back to Severine and Ian for the design and construction of a set which had to be rock solid. It was.
I can't pass the opportunity to comment also on the surreal backdrop used to convey the different levels of the building; it was a great piece of artwork from Katy Gaul and Nuong Trieu.
We have got used to having good lighting in our plays and we tend to forget that the young man responsible for producing the atmospheric lighting in this play which did much to add to the drama; think of the finale with the red light growing smaller and smaller, is thanks to Jake who has been busy studying for his A-levels at the same time as doing this play.
Finally, we come to Kevin, the Director. For a first time production I would say "Didn't he do well!". I know Kevin found the journey from start to finish something of an odyssey but I also know that having been through this particular crucible he has learned much which will stand him in good stead for his future productions.

When I was invited to see this latest Dulwich Players production of Our Country's Good I jumped at the chance, as it's always been one of my favourite plays. I have to say it has been admirably staged by Jan Rae and sterlingly performed by a cast of 12 [I hope I've got that right.]
Set towards the end of the 18th century in an Australian penal colony, Our Country's Good is author Timberlake Wertenbaker's paean to theatre. Showing as it does theatre's potential to redeem, enlighten and transform, the play has lost none of its power since it was first performed at the Royal Court in 1989. I was very fortunate to see the original production, and I must say this newest production also lived up to my expectations.
The director has worked wonders with a minimal use of set and props. Some very authentic costumes add colour and definition where some of the doubling proves confusing. As nearly all of the cast double up, playing both convicts and officers, this requires considerable skill, as well as the adoption of a variety of regional accents and physicalities. Special mention must go to Dulwich Players stalwart Paul Sykes, who impresses in the contrastingly Celtic roles of tyrannical Major Ross and sympathetic hangman James 'Ketch' Freeman. His vocal and physical transformation was one of the highlights of the evening for me.
Equally standout is the performance of Andy Way, who holds the whole evening together as 2nd Lieutenant Ralph Clark, who has been given the dubious position of director in the 'play within the play.' There are many laughs to be had at the expense of the luckless convicts drafted in to play characters in George Farquhar's Restoration masterpiece, The Recruiting Officer. Izzy Tredinnick, Severine Powell, Rebecca Dallaway and Lucy Passmore must be given special mention here as they bring to life with aplomb the motley crew of female convicts to whom theatre has given a new lease of life. They show great range and ability in their doubling too.
In smaller roles there is able support from Ed Langley as the word-lover John Wisehammer, Steve Borrie as escaped convict John Arscott (whose absence jeopardises the entire production!) and Tracy Brook as the unfortunately named 'Shitty Meg'. A special mention must go to Chris Harvey who shines in the role of 'X Factor wannabe' convict Robert Sideaway, a kind of Nick Bottom down-under, who spends more time practising his curtain call than acting (the character I mean, not Chris!) Finally a mention to Bill Bailey, in his sensitively played dual roles as the doomed officer Harry Brewer, and the monosyllabic Captain Campbell, and a very stately Stefan Nowak, as the colony's governor Captain Phillip.
Congratulations also to the production team who have pulled off quite a feat. Scene changes were fluid and use of props and scenery very effective. Atmospheric lighting brought the mood of the barren Australian landscape to life very effectively. A minor quibble was the occasionally intrusive sound effects – I think I would have preferred to imagine the sound of the insects of the outback than have it provided for me. But all in all this was a highly enjoyable production, with a tremendously moving climax. My favourite line has always been Mary Brenham's 'I love this!' at the very end. May such a sentiment continue to apply to the very worthy Dulwich Players.


Jonathan Kaufman
freelance director
previously Artistic Director of the Colour House Theatre, Wimbledon
and Co-Artistic Director of the Brockley Jack Theatre

This play was first performed in 1988 but is set 200 years prior to that, telling the story of the first play performed in Botany Bay, Australia by the newly arrived band of convicts and soldiers. It is set in a rough time when transportation could be the punishment for a small crime, such as a single minor theft, and the wardens had almost total power over their charges. 2nd lieutenant Ralph Clark (Andy Way) was granted permission to put on a production performed by the convicts and the theme of the play is the ability of theatre to inspire people in difficult circumstances.
Captain Arthur Phillip (Stefan Nowak) and Major Robbie Ross (Paul Sykes) represented the two extremes of the approach to the convicts taken by the authorities; Stefan representing the more liberal approach and Paul the "flog 'em and hang 'em" brigade, with the other officers falling variously between these two extremes. All the officers seemed to be comfortable acting in their period costumes and they certainly were a colourful group.
We were treated to some delightful scenes as various convicts put themselves – or each other – forward to act in the play. Andy produced a clear sense of the tensions of being a director of this difficult company and I'm sure we all laughed with empathy at his line that the rehearsals "didn't seem to be going very well". Those playing the convicts had the challenge of acting people who themselves were acting, which can be a hard thing to pull off, but they did so with, for example, Mary Brenham (Severine Powell) coming out of her shyness during rehearsal. And whether it was Liz Morden (Rebecca Dallaway) as the toughened convict acting while under threat of death by hanging, John Wisehammer (Ed Langley) revelling in long words or Dabby Bryant (Izzy Tredinnick) talking about her beloved Devon (to name but three) they also managed to be quite different from each other while still coming across as a group of convicts.
Another aspect of the relations between the groups was provided by the relationship between Harry Brewer (Bill Bailey) and Duckling Smith (Lucy Passmore) – one of the more moving moments was Harry in Duckling's arms as he lay dying.
The action proceeds up to the opening night of the production; for this the scene is turned so we, the audience, are backstage with the cast. John Arscott (Steve Borrie) had the technically challenging task of giving his lines to the upstage of the set loudly enough to be heard clearly by the audience, a task more than capably performed. And finally there was the curtain call – which we presume was choreographed by Robert Sideway (Chris Harvey) based on his earlier actions in the play!
The play calls for a number of costume changes as many parts are doubled up – or tripled up in the case of Tracy Brook – and this adds to the technical challenges the company had to overcome to put the play on successfully. It was interesting to see the full width of the stage being used in conjunction with the muslin upstage wall, the shadowing and boundaries produced by this and the variety of lighting provided a very atmospheric setting (although the unmasked upstage doors were a little distracting).
I had not been not quite sure what to expect from this play; when my daughter had been involved with a production at her school she had refused to let us come and see it. However I thoroughly enjoyed the show and offer my congratulations to director, cast and crew for a rich performance.

Well, folks, it's a fine evening here in leafy Dulwich and there's a great crowd assembled at the Edward Alleyn Racetrack for a unique event - the 'Dry Rot Steeplechase', sponsored by those distinguished patrons of the dramatic turf, the 'Dulwich Players'!
There's a strong field of firm favourites, the punters are excited, and the outcome hard to predict. I'm your guide and commentator for the evening as they line up for what promises to be a thrilling comic classic!
The curtain's rising on a course in excellent condition - yes, the crowd are giving a spontaneous round of applause to that inspired and industrious course architect, Mr Andrew Dickie!
The runners are drawn up at the tape. Among the seasoned entrants it's good to see a sprinkling of young juveniles. Let's hope these novice colts and fillies meet with sporting success! They look splendid with glossy coats and bright racing colours. Let's hear it for those divas of equine grooming, everyone's dream team of stablegirls, Ms Jane Jones and Ms Rebecca Dallaway!
Your starter today is Ms Severine Powell, ably assisted by a dedicated team of course stewards, Anita, Steve, and Jan. With such a line-up , we know things won't descend into farce!
They're under starter's orders - and they're away! Straight into the lead, with incredible speed, is that supercharged domestic, Beth (Ms Emma Sanders). Faster than a speeding Dyson, polishing for England you might say, she'll be a hard act to follow. She sounds like a West Country mare. Ooh, ahh miss, the things you do with that feather duster fair make my eyes water!
But challenging, in hot pursuit, here comes that firm colonial favourite Colonel Wagstaff (Mr Ian Jones). He won't stand for any bally nonsense - by gad, he's just charged through the first fence! Eye-popping, moustache-bristling, snorting like a stallion, he won't give an inch of turf to any young filly! This crusty veteran's a 'stayer' and no mistake!
Pulling alongside him is that thoroughbred domestic mare, Mrs Wagstaff (Ms Louise Norman). She's going along at a lovely canter - nothing seems to disturb her. Unflappable, imperturbable, an English domestic goddess equal to anything. She'll give her husband a run for his money!
Over the second, and the leaders are joined by a feisty young filly, in plimsolls of Persil whiteness, Susan Wagstaff (Ms Eorann Kavanagh). She's taking no prisoners - pert, prim and perfectly proper, even her pony-tails' got attitude! The crowd want to see her go neck and neck with a fine young colt - and here he comes! Soaring over the third in his Old School colours, it's that perfect English gent John Danby (Mr Matthew Neely). Clearly from a superior stable, gracious, charming, but a target for the turf's less scrupulous members, you can bet he'll run a straight course to the exit!
But what's this? The crowd are hooting with laughter. Coming on the outside, giving the nod to the pacesetters and crossing to the lead are a brace of incongruous nags, Alfred Tubbe and Fred Phipps (Mr Kevin Leech and Mr Paul Sykes) - as unlikely a pair of thoroughbreds as you could find on a course! Mr Tubbe, expansive, (wicked) avuncular, ludicrously ingratiating, he's clearly running under false colours! But even with form that crooked he's lording it over the others with obsequious ease. And, no more than a (tall) tail behind, his malapropistic mancunian amanuensis, Fred. With an accent as broad as his cloth cap, a bit 'daft' but with an eye to the 'mane' chance, he'd clearly do 'owt for a bob or two. The crowd are cheering wildly - the dodgy duo have stolen the lead! Looks like the race is in the (carpet) bag.
But, 'alf a mo, careering wildly out of left-field, it's that irrepressible 'ringer' for a comedy superstar, Flash 'Arry (Mr Adam Fairweather). 'urdling with ease, dropping aitches at a rate of knots, he's a 'jumper', by Jupiter!
With a check coat as loud as his voice, you can 'ear 'im coming over five furlongs!
It looks that these crooks have got the race stitched, sorry, all sewn up. But there's still one name on the card to beat them. It's that fluent francophone front-runner, Albert Polignac (Mr Fabian Liberski). Flowing with Gallic grace, effortlessly clearing the (linguistic) hurdles, he's a sure thing to a 'dead cert'!
But those despicable touts aren't having any of his 'entente cordiale'. They want to fix the race, nobble M. Polignac and skidaddle with the swag, the swine! Let's hope their evil schemes fall at the first fence. But they're pulling up with the Frenchman, and, oh dear, he's taken a tumble! (must have been that dry rot on the stairs). And here comes Fred Phipps - he's trying to speak French! The crowd are convulsed - he's runaway favourite in the comedy stakes! Oh, the other scoundrel has dropped his trousers. Must have been a bit sore in the saddle! Now someone's running on the course, gesticulating wildly. Is it a steward - no, it's a policewoman, Sergeant Fire (Ms Rebecca Sheeran). What's she shouting - 'No Sex Please, this is a race-meeting!' Her right arm's doing overtime - she wants to spoil the saucy fun. But the crowd aren't having it - they love a girl in uniform!
They're closing on the home straight and the pace is frantic! I'm joined in the commentary box by that distinguished connoisseur of the turf, Mr Frank Ralfe, whose distinguished tones and vast sporting knowledge have graced many a (dramatic) derby.
And dramatic this surely is! It looks like there's a 'runaway' but the jockey's trying to throw the race. The punters are furious, but look, here comes the field! Thundering down the final stretch, they're neck and neck to the final post. They dash across the line together, but it's too close to call. A real photo finish!
Someone's objected - there's going to be a steward's enquiry! The stewards are consulting, they've made their decision and - everyone's a winner! A remarkable result for this evenly-matched ensemble, and all credit to that highly experienced trainer, Mr Brian Burch, ably supported by his gifted assistant Ms Gemma Frost.
So, a remarkable day here at Dulwich. As the punters drift off happily into the night, it's time to congratulate the course technicians, Mr Nowak and Mr Adams. And Ms Morris for her expert management of the theatre, pardon, racecourse. So mark your cards for the next great meet at Dulwich. See you next time - in the Winner's Enclosure!

'Top Girls', the Players latest production at the Edward Alleyn Theatre, has a feminist theme and is set in 1980. It has an all-women cast and sets out to show by the experiences of women through the ages, the struggle there has always been to assert their rights to achievement and independence
It shows how the success of 'top girls' like Marlene, is achieved, at times, at the expense of their families and also, of less able colleagues. However, the play contains qualities of seriousness for the human condition and although painful in parts, it also has its humorous moments.
The play in two acts, contains a dinner party consisting of a group of women from the past, dining with Marlene, the modern woman, and telling stories of the difficulties encountered in their lives. An historical Girl's Night Out! The second part of the play consists of scenes in Marlene's office. This is an Employment Agency where clients are interviewed for jobs.
We then visit Marlene's background and home life. The sleazy provincial home from which she escaped. The sister who stayed behind to look after mother, and the girl 'Angie'.
The play had a large cast and the acting was convincing throughout. The first half, consisting of the group of historical ladies who were served by a waitress played by Clair McDonald, one of those silent parts where 'body language' showing patient resignation and contempt for those one serves, convey feelings more vivid than the spoken word.
In this scene also, the audience were hypnotised by the performance of Maria Whitehouse as Dull Gret, a Breughal character complete with horned helmet and dirty face, who ate everything offered and everything in reach. A memorably comic performance. Among the other ladies around the table, Jane Jones as Arabella Bird, the Victorian traveller, was a most convincing Scotswoman. Tracy Brooke, Jennie Francis and Graine Dunne, played the other characters with confidence and humour. They all wore their costumes with style.
The second half of the play, the scene in Marlene's office, takes place in 1980. Two of the staff, Win, played by Séverine Powell, and Nell, Rebecca Dallaway, keen on their jobs, but sceptical of their chances, gave easy and believable portrayals. Lydia Dickie gave a sympathetic and clever cameo as a woman who, although loyal to her firm, had been passed over for her male colleagues. And Katie Lipsidge, whose husband Marlene had superseded, gained sympathy when curtly dismissed by Marlene herself. These incidents showed clearly how times were changing.
Anita Blanchard gave a strong performance as the ambitious and unfeeling Marlene, showing at times a softer side that had to be suppressed.
Kathy Blackeby as Sister Joyce, toil-worn and disillusioned, gave a sincere performance as usual. The emotional scene between the two sisters when Joyce bitterly attacks Marlene for her selfishness, was outstanding. As 'Angie' and Kit, Lucy Passmore and Izzy Tredinnick, were extremely convincing. Their expressions and 'body language' of two young and difficult girls, was very true to life. We look forward to further work from them. The costumes, in the capable hands of Sue Grindley, both the historical and 1980's, were well suited to the characters and added to the effectiveness of the play.
The director, Sally Green, is to be congratulated on tackling a difficult play. The acting, all the details of scenery and sound, were well looked-after and the result was a most competent and interesting production.